Turning ... F...F-F.. FFFFFF... For ... F-F ..FORTY... Alright, I said it!

... First, let's see what the dictionary says:
for⋅ty 
/ˈfɔrti/[fawr-tee], noun, plural -ties, adjective
–noun
1. a cardinal number (a cardinal sin??), ten times four.
2. a symbol for this number, as 40 or XL (lovely) or XXXX.
3. a set of this many persons or things.
4. forties, the numbers, years, degrees, or the like, from 40 through 49, as in referring to numbered streets, indicating the years of a lifetime or of a century, or degrees of temperature: His office is in the West Forties. Her parents are in their forties. The temperature will be in the forties.
–adjective
5. amounting to 40 in number.
Origin: bef. 950; ME fourti, OE fēowertig (c. OFris fiuwertich, OHG fiorzug, G vierzig).


...and then I found this while looking for a poem that grabbed my sentiments:

How to Celebrate a Fortieth Birthday

A fortieth birthday is the official commencement of middle age (again, lovely), even though most Americans don't make it all the way to 80 (can I bury my head in the sand now?). The reality hits that half a life is over, and although it's tempting to lament the loss of one's youth, and mourn the fortieth birthday, it's also true that there is a lot of life left, and depending on circumstances, it is often the perfect time to try something new. The following suggestions will help to celebrate rather than lament this momentous occasion.

1. Attempt an extreme sport. Examples include scuba, bungee, or sky diving. I thought the idea is to KEEP living.
   
2. Build a nest egg. -working on it
   
3. Clean out all the closets. Include the garage and the attic. There are probably lots of mementos awaiting rediscovery and removal. -am trying to downsize for other reasons (see # 13 ).
   
4. Drive on Route 66. If you're in the USA, this is a great and leisurely way to celebrate. Alternatively, drive across your country or do it on a motorcycle. -I'd like to see the CA Redwoods someday.
   
5. Eat the worm. -uhh, ummm ...I have (teenage years -WHAT was I thinking!)
   
6. Expose the wizard. Visit a talk show or movie set. no desire
   
7. Forgive your mother and call your father. Take them out to dinner. It's about time you finally understood they are only human too. Am gaining understanding/thankfulness more and more everyday.
   
8. Get back in shape. At the very least, join a gym. ha
   
9. Give a really great toast. Recall the great things life has given you. -not one to make myself the center of attention.
   
10. Give up on your extra marital affairs. Okay, so you don't have any but if you do, quit immediately and rediscover the love at home. pretty sad this one is listed... obviously doesn't apply here.
    
11. Give up road rage. In fact, give up all rage. I only have wee moments few and far between.
    
12. Go fishing. Get out into nature and discover why it is relaxing, rejuvenating and calming. Love nature and get out in it as much as possible.
    
13. Have a baby. There's still time provided you are healthy and energetic. It's a great reason to remain that way for the next 20 years too. ha.. I sure hope so, because I am pregnant.
    
14. Host a dinner party. Or throw an Oscar party or a Super Bowl party. No. I'm too busy and, like I said, I'm pregnant.
    
15. Indulge a little. Do this by buying a $50 bottle of wine, a piece of real art, a car that costs more than $50,000, or a jewelry box full of jewelry. You've GOT to be kidding... a car that costs more than ?!? ..I'll indulge and pay more toward the mortgage or, maybe even, get a massage.
    
16. Investigate the key tenets of a few major faiths. Pick one. We all need something to believe in. Hmmm.
    
17. Learn something new. Try out new activities like a foreign language or the tango. No, they need to learn English.
    
18. Learn to work your own VCR, DVD player or master a mass-transit system. Enough time spent relying on others to assist you. This is the manual reader in the house.
    
19. Meet a new friend. Choose a friend of a different race and a different religion than you or reacquaint yourself with an old friend. Have.
    
20. Move into the house of your dreams. Do this even if it's the house you're living in now, the house your children grew up in. If so, renovate or shift the furniture around. Spend more time there. Am in the house of my/our dreams- love it too.
    
21. Pay off all your debts. Or, at least, pay off your credit cards or your student loans. -see #15.
    
22. Pierce something other than your ear. Consider getting a piercing elsewhere, or get a tattoo. Geezus... some Hollyweird liberal must have written this one.
    
23. Play a new computer software program. Borrow it from your kids and forget to return it. Too busy doing this darn thing.
    
24. Play poker. Keep that straight face as long as you can. I'm good when I have... well, so I thought- my other half says no.
    
25. Quit your dead-end job. Want to do it another 20 years? No? So, apply for a promotion, or take a sabbatical or go somewhere new to work. The time is now! Oh I did this 5 years ago.
    
26. Learn new lyrics. Read the lyrics of one classic rap song, one popular country ode, and one rock anthem. Am pretty good at remembering lyrics, but coughed when I read "classic rap song".
    
27. Rent the classics. There aren't any more excuses for missing them. Other than time being spent doing other stuff.
    
28. Ride a roller coaster (again). Yeah, this sounds like a good one to do someday.
    
29. Ride in a limo. Get the entire works - the champagne, the music and all. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. I would just have a hard time enjoying it... just not my thing to enjoy or spend money on.
    
30. Serve on a jury. If you're asked, of course. I have never tried to get out of jury duty... maybe they smell my opinion coming, cause I've never been picked.
    
31. Show gratitude. You can do this many ways but a great way is by sponsoring a poor child. Call me a skeptic with those types of programs. I'd rather go straight to the child/family... and have.
    
32. Sleep under the stars. Choose a balmy night, a good sleeping bag and a friend or two to join you. This IS a fun thing to do.
    
33. Stop smoking, finally, at long last. Stop other bad habits too. Enact a two-drink maximum or kick the all-day caffeine habit. Eehh... don't do any of those things... my habit is chocolate. It's a toughy to kick, but I did the whole 14 months I nursed our daughter.
    
34. Stop speeding. You're getting too old for that and your eyesight isn't as good as it used to be. What's your hurry now? Driving faster to the end? Not a great idea and you want to see 50 don't you? Don't you? I completely agree and am getting better.
    
35. Take a cruise. If you've been putting it off for "one day", today is that day. I am NOT getting on one of those disease incubators of a sardine can.
    
36. Take center stage. Try out for a movie, a play or a choir or sign up to teach a class. Perhaps in time.
    
37. Take up a new sport. Squash anyone? Squash sounds so good right now.. little butter, tad of salt... yum!
    
38. Try your least favorite foods. Taste buds change and you might be pleasantly surprised. Now would be the time as I am hungry.
    
39. Visit a new place. Visit a new country, a new state, a new city or go somewhere that makes people scratch their heads, wondering why you went there! Would like to visit NY just for a day or so, then I can appreciate the simple outdoor life even more.
    
40. Write. Write a book, an article, Part One of your autobiography, a website or a blog. Or write a wikiHow. Here we are.

...then I found this. While it doesn't express my sentiments exactly, it was still worth posting:

Turning Forty
by Kevin Griffith

At times it's like there is a small planet
inside me. And on this planet,
there are many small wars, yet none
big enough to make a real difference.
The major countries—mind and heart—have
called a truce for now. If this planet had a ruler,
no one remembers him well. All
decisions are made by committee.
Yet there are a few pictures of the old dictator—
how youthful he looked on his big horse,
how bright his eyes.
He was ready to conquer the world.

What?? ..."he WAS ready to conquer the world"... I'm still ready... let me just take a nap first. Then, maybe if/when the 2nd child gets to, say, around 2 or three, I'll start feeling like my old self again and will resume "conquering".

A Mother's Prayer

Found this poem sometime back. Even though I do not have two on the ground, I still identified with it. When I became a parent, I realized that there is this whole club of 'parents' out there.

In B.C. times (before children), I could imagine what it was like or going to be like to have children and be a parent. But one really doesn't know until they are... I don't care HOW much you baby-sat or take care of your nieces, nephews and the like... it's a 'whole-nuther ballgame' having your own children.

Which brings me to a quote by Sophia Loren... it is so true:

When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child.

Enjoy the knowing smile this may bring....

A Mother's Prayer:

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray my sanity to keep.

For if some peace I do not find,

I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind.

I pray I find a little quiet

Far from the daily family riot.

May I lie back--not have to think

about what they're stuffing down the sink,

or who they're with, or where they're at

and what they're doing to the cat.

I pray for time all to myself

(did something just fall off a shelf?)

To cuddle in my nice, soft bed

(Oh no, another goldfish--dead!)

Some silent moments for goodness sake

(Did I just hear a window break?)

And that I need not cook or clean--

(well heck, I've got the right to dream).

Yes, now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray my wits about me keep,

But as I look around I know--

I must have lost them long ago!

~Author Unknown

Excuse this House

The following poem was sent to me by a friend after I had made a joke about our house being messy. I used to be somewhat of a "neat freak" in B.C. times (before children)... though my mom might disagree (however, this comes form a woman whose floors you can eat off of). Now, our living room boast a look that resembles what it might look like if a Toy Bomb went off in the room... oh well, you do what you can.

Excuse this House
Author: Unknown

Some houses try to hide the fact that children shelter there,
ours boasts it quite openly, the signs are EVERYWHERE.

For smears are on the windows, little smudges are on the doors,
I should apologize, I guess, for toys strewn on the floor.

But I sat down with the children and we played and laughed and read
and if the doorbell doesn't shine, their eyes will shine instead.

For when at times I'm forced to choose the one job or the other;
I'd like to cook and clean and scrub, but first I'll be a mother.

Saturday's Sonnet/Poem ~because tomorrow's Mom's Day

My Mother Kept A Garden

My Mother kept a garden,
a garden of the heart,
She planted all the good things
that gave my life it's start.

She turned me to the sunshine
and encouraged me to dream,
Fostering and nurturing
the seeds of self-esteem...

And when the winds and rain came,
she protected me enough-
But not too much because she knew
I'd need to stand up strong and tough.

Her constant good example
always taught me right from wrong-
Markers for my pathway
that will last a lifetime long.

I am my Mother's garden.
I am her legacy-
And I hope today she feels the love
reflected back from me.

~Author Unknown

Saturday's Sonnet/Poem: Since Mom's Day is approaching...

The Mother

There will be a singing in your heart,
There will be a rapture in your eyes;
You will be a woman set apart,
You will be so wonderful and wise.
You will sleep, and when from dreams you start,
As of one that wakes in Paradise,
There will be a singing in your heart,
There will be a rapture in your eyes.

There will be a moaning in your heart,
There will be an anguish in your eyes;
You will see your dearest ones depart,
You will hear their quivering good-byes.
Yours will be the heart-ache and the smart,
Tears that scald and lonely sacrifice;
There will be a moaning in your heart,
There will be an anguish in your eyes.

There will come a glory in your eyes,
There will come a peace within your heart;
Sitting 'neath the quiet evening skies,
Time will dry the tear and dull the smart.
You will know that you have played your part;
Yours shall be the love that never dies:
You, with Heaven's peace within your heart,
You, with God's own glory in your eyes.

~Robert William Service

Saturday's Sonnet/Poem:

Spring

The alder by the river
Shakes out her powdery curls;
The willow buds in silver
For little boys and girls.

The little birds fly over
And oh, how sweet they sing!
To tell the happy children
That once again 'tis spring.

The gay green grass comes creeping
So soft beneath their feet;
The frogs begin to ripple
A music clear and sweet.

And buttercups are coming,
And scarlet columbine,
And in the sunny meadows
The dandelions shine.

And just as many daisies
As their soft hands can hold
The little ones may gather,
All fair in white and gold.

Here blows the warm red clover,
There peeps the violet blue;
O happy little children!
God made them all for you.

~Celia Thaxter

Saturday's Saying/Poem: To my Dear and Loving Husband

Last year, my salaried-half traveled to Norway. As a rule, he doesn't travel. But, this was an unusual circumstance... anyway, I tucked a few ancillary ditties in his suitcase. This poem was one of them.

To my Dear and Loving Husband

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee.
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye women, if you can.
I prize thy love more than whole Mines of gold
Or all the riches that the East doth hold.
My love is such that Rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee give recompetence.
Thy love is such I can no way repay.
The heavens reward thee manifold, I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever
That when we live no more, we may live ever.

~Anne Bradstreet (1612-1672)

Done Typing & Still Don't Know What to Call This Post About the Lost Filly

Well, I am struggling what to call this post. I suppose by the time you read this, it will have a name.

I've posted a couple of times now, just in the last week about one of our mares that is pregnant... well, was pregnant. She had her foal this (Monday) AM. It was very foggy here, so even with the binoculars, it was hard to make out that the heap was a foal. It wasn't moving, but was so hard to tell with the fog. And momma wasn't super close... she wasn't far, but further that what I would expect. Called to the horses and I saw an ear flicker. Got our daughter dressed and headed out to the pasture with camera and cell phone.

LONGGG story short.................................................... too long to type and I'm too tired and don't want to cry............. the foal was.... it was a filly... euthanized. All in a matter of 8 hours, we had a birth, a death and a burial.

She was gorgeous. She was huge. First thing, when I saw that she couldn't get up, was to try to get her up. I'm 5'2" and this filly was big. I called a friend that is 1/2 mile away as a crow flies. She and I tried to get this filly up (my 2 1/2 year old was being so good standing where I told her to in the pasture). We couldn't get the filly up. I could only get her on her sternum and had to hold her there to keep her there, otherwise she flopped back down. THAT had me concerned.... if she had such long legs that she had contracted tendons, then we'll deal with that... but she wasn't even able to get herself on her sternum.

My husband came home from work and got there a bit before the vet. He's a big guy- 6'4" and with this foal struggling, it took quite a bit from him to hold her in a standing position. But, like he said, he was completely holding her. Her back legs were useless. Also, her tongue was recessed back more in her mouth than it should have been. Using a trick I learned in a breeding course we took years ago, I got milk from momma in a 60 ml (huge) syringe tube. Momma's milk was/is beautiful. The foal wanted it... couldn't swallow great, but she was trying. She tried all she could... she fought to stand, but her legs would remain prostrate.

When I first saw her, I thought there was something up with that.... and her head would loll back to the side- even with help. She was what is known in the horse world as a "Dummy Foal". Lack of oxygen to the brain during birth... basically makes them... retarded in a sense. A horse that doesn't have the neuro capability to stand... it's not like humans. Horses HAVE to stand- their gut/life depends on it. This filly lost brain function to help her know which way was up and how to stand. Her legs were prostrate stiff because the brain says do that while standing... but she was flat on her side. Could never get on her sternum even.

*****sighhhhhhhh*******

Not a fun decision. But...................

You know, you wait almost a year (a horse's gestation is over 11 months long)........ well, what is, is.

I had taken a picture of her when she was alive........ and stopped after one........ thought........ maybe I shouldn't have....... she was pretty ..............she was just so darn big. I can only guess it took a lot of work on momma's part. Incidentally, momma is fine. Like the vet said (when momma-mare was distant from us while we were assessing the foal) she knew something wasn't right. Normally, she would have been right up there causing a bit of a stink... none of that was going on. She was grazing some sixty feet from us... and this is a good momma mare. She has had four foals before.

I see I'm typing/spending too much time on this... I've got to get to bed so I can be good tomorrow for my daughter. She was so good today. Had the county come out to bury the foal. My husband and I tried to explain it as best we could... about death. She saw the foal before and after. It wasn't an all emotion-laden thing... she's too young for that. Kind of matter of fact. She didn't obsess on it before bed-time... just asked, "The baby horse couldn't stand?" (she saw her trying).... okay enough. Got to get to bed.

I had a poem to post when the foal arrived... a poem I wrote when I was in high school. But... I will have to post it another time... it is no longer fitting for this post.

She was beautiful. But it wasn't meant to be.

(that last line was for me)

Equus Caballus

I have run on middle fingernail through Eolithic morning
And I’ve thundered down the coach road with Revolution’s warning
I have carried countless errant knights who never found the grail
I have strained before the caissons, I’ve moved the nation’s mail
I’ve made knights of lowly tribesmen, kings from ranks of peons
I’ve given pride and arrogance to riding men for eons
I’ve grazed among the lodges, teepees and the yurts
Felt the sting of driving whips, lashes, spurs and quirts

I am roguish- I am flighty, inbred and lowly
I’m a nightmare gone wild- I am
Gallant and exalted, stately and noble
I’m awesome- I am grand- I am
The Horse

I have suffered gross indignities from users and from winners
I’ve felt the touch of kindness from losers and from sinners
I have given for the cruel hand and given for the kind
Heaved a sigh at Appomattox when surrender had been signed
I can be as tough as hardened steel or fragile as a flower
I know not my endurance, I know not my own power
I have died with heart exploded beneath the cheering stands
Calmly stood below the hanging noose of vigilante bands

I am roguish- I am flighty, inbred and lowly
I’m a nightmare gone wild- I am
Gallant and exalted, stately and noble
I’m awesome- I am grand- I am
The Horse

So I’ll run on middle fingernail until the curtain closes
I’ll win for you your Triple Crown, I’ll wear for you your roses
Toward you, who took my freedom, I’ve no malice or remorse
I’ll endure, I’ll last forever, I am The Horse

~Author Unknown

Saturday's Saying/Poem: How Do I Love Thee?

Valentine's Day, being just of recent, made me think of this poem. It has always been one that I liked.

How Do I Love Thee?

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of being and ideal grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.
I love thee freely, as men strive for right.
I love thee purely, as they turn from praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints. I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Where Did You Come From, Baby Dear?

You've got to click on this pic to get a better view. Quite some time ago, I scanned this page from a book I got from the library. I take our daughter once or twice a week and we load up on books. When I read this poem, I knew I had to have it ...perhaps to use somewhere ...??
I think it would be great sewn and put in a picture frame. You see though... I said, "sewn". I don't even know if you call it cross-stitching or what... am not real handy that way, though I love making things... perhaps I'll find the time to learn someday (ha). But really, maybe someday.
I remember when I first read this. My daughter was still very young... I believe she was still nursing (I nursed her until she was 14 months)...ANYway, I must have been hormonal when I read it... I got all teary-eyed, which is something I didn't do a lot before she came along. Alas, another heart softened by the love for a child.

Equus Caballus

I have run on middle fingernail through Eolithic morning
And I’ve thundered down the coach road with Revolution’s warning
I have carried countless errant knights who never found the grail
I have strained before the caissons, I’ve moved the nation’s mail
I’ve made knights of lowly tribesmen, kings from ranks of peons
I’ve given pride and arrogance to riding men for eons
I’ve grazed among the lodges, teepees and the yurts
Felt the sting of driving whips, lashes, spurs and quirts

I am roguish- I am flighty, inbred and lowly
I’m a nightmare gone wild- I am
Gallant and exalted, stately and noble
I’m awesome- I am grand- I am
The Horse

I have suffered gross indignities from users and from winners
I’ve felt the touch of kindness from losers and from sinners
I have given for the cruel hand and given for the kind
Heaved a sigh at Appomattox when surrender had been signed
I can be as tough as hardened steel or fragile as a flower
I know not my endurance, I know not my own power
I have died with heart exploded beneath the cheering stands
Calmly stood below the hanging noose of vigilante bands

I am roguish- I am flighty, inbred and lowly
I’m a nightmare gone wild- I am
Gallant and exalted, stately and noble
I’m awesome- I am grand- I am
The Horse

So I’ll run on middle fingernail until the curtain closes
I’ll win for you your Triple Crown, I’ll wear for you your roses
Toward you, who took my freedom, I’ve no malice or remorse
I’ll endure, I’ll last forever, I am The Horse

(author unknown)

Haiku

Received a comment on the previous post that it had inspired a Haiku poem... here's what the person wrote:

She still loves her baths.
She still has beautiful eyes.
She still loves her pups.